So far, so good

April 18, 2009 at 8:54 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Stopping to MEDITATE)
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This week I’ve been enjoying very much my reentering to a more disciplined Ashtanga Practice. I’m again going sufficiently frequently to see progress–very noticeable on the heel injury, which is disappearing, and on my overall state of being, although of course things like my balance and stiffness levels tend to vary widely from day to day. I hope I can make these more consistent… This morning was a good one, as I was able to focus a bit better on deepening my breath, though the glimpse of a jump through I though I had last week seems to have been gone. I guess I really need to get my act together and start doing push ups at home… I’m not going to get away with this otherwise.

I’m also reading the Yoga Mala (SKPJ) and reviewing some other Ashtanga Yoga Books to see if I can get better ideas and tips on how to improve (and also to check that my vinyasas are correct, since there have been times in which I have been confused regarding the transitions between, say, sets of standing poses. The other thing that has been interesting to me this weekend (which is very Yoga-full) has been my attendance to a couple of workshops that allowed attendants to connect the key founding principles of Yoga with issues such as giving and achieving forgiveness, and changing habits. While these were short sessions, I think they manage to inspire a switch in my state of being as well as plans and determination on how to proceed in the quest to become a better person. For now, I have made a personal commitment to be better in my handling of a very specific issue. I will have to be monitoring myself about this for the next couple of weeks :)

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Grateful

February 8, 2009 at 5:01 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Stopping to MEDITATE, The steps of LIFE)
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After another black out in my practice during most of the week, I finally made it to the shala yesterday and today. It was the most wonderful experience ever, especially after how bad the past few days had been.

I was pretty stressed for work (stuff to do and potentially big changes soon, plus I had to do three pretty tough internal job interviews at a one-day’s notice); having to help my Mom with some difficult and serious stuff regarding my Dad’s passing; coordinate the ongoing renovations at my old condo, which have been much more complicated than initially expected (renovations in old buildings often open cans of worms, what can I say), and juggle the fact that the boyfriend was around until Thursday (nice, but forces me out of my own usual schedule). I didn’t sleep well the whole week, awakening myself at night wondering if I was going to have to spend more money on the house; whether I should get/take this or that position, and what that would entail; how on earth I’d get all the needed documents on time to help my Mom with my Dad’s issue, etc, etc, etc. On Friday, my back and neck and head just hurt terribly from the stress–so bad that I called a massage therapist that has helped me in the past for a very urgent session on Friday evening to try to ease the pain.

It all helped, but on Saturday morning I woke up feeling completely drained and low of spirits. I had to make a supreme effort to get out of bed, dressed and off to the shala (which I manage to do a little late, in fact). The amazing thing is, as soon as I got on the mat, all my troubles went away, and I felt extremely peaceful. I had to cut the practice short and skip most of my sitting positions, since the Mysore session was about to end, and the students for the led class were already at the lobby waiting to come in. I even skipped shoulderstand given the stress I had on my back and shoulders the previous day. I moved slowly through the finishing positions, and by the time I reached savasana, something amazing happened. I started praying unintendedly, as if the thoughts and words just came out of me but without me trying at all (praying is something I really don’t do often, to be frank). I just realized how lucky I have been in life, how lucky I still am, and how petty my concerns really are in the big scheme of things. I suddenly felt very grateful for being able to be there, just lying on the floor on my mat on such a peaceful and loving shala. It was kind of odd (and it surprised me), but beautiful.

Anyway, today I went back and practice just felt amazing. I love Sundays because it’s crowded–there is a lot of energy. I sweated like crazy :) and went as deep as I could into every pose and just enjoyed it. It’s funny how I’ve stopped worrying about getting new poses or progressing on ‘visible ways’. Now progress is about feeling that peace inside. I got it.

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On a suddenly open world, and on building bridges

June 7, 2008 at 6:43 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Stepping it up and DANCING, Stopping to MEDITATE, The steps of LIFE)
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Just 6 days of Ashtanga in a row, and so much has changed…

And I am not exaggerating. I’ve jumped full in, without parachute. And as I research, investigate, delve deeper into a world that was thoroughly unfamiliar just a week ago, I become amazed as how much more there is out there. 

This week, I’m browsing mostly through Yoga sites and blogs, for a start. I want to learn the approach, understand the personal process of learning Yoga, and become familiar with the Road that becoming an “Ashtangi” entails. I realize that Road is a long one. I know I’m here for life now–that it is, in some sense, a means and not an end in itself… and I want to make sure that I’m not alone in my newly self-imposed “quest”.

Going through so many new sites excites me. It opens a new world for me. It’s just making evident something I’ve known, but didn’t fully want to admit: that whatever was that I was doing before–namely Working and Dancing, Working and Dancing, and Working and Dancing–was not necessarily “Balanced”, nor fluid, nor healthy. That I was constantly jumping between two extremes (workholism and danceholism) without finding myself in the middle. The work the necessary evil, the dance the necessary scape, but no connectivity between those extremes.

I hope Yoga will help me find that bridge betwen the two sides of the precipice I’ve kept on jumping back and forth so far; that it will bring my connectivity to all aspects of my life. And that it will –as it is already doing–change me, by opening new doors, by linking me to new people, by bringing me some entirely different perspective. 

I have other plans in the making, as well, as new ideas continue to flow my way. At the top of my list, is Learning how to MEDITATE. I should clarify that I never thought I’d get to a point in my life in which I’d say anything even remotely close to this. (“Me? Meditate? Why would I waste my time like that? I couldn’t sit straight for 2 seconds without getting distracted by all the important stuff that is keeping me busy, anyway!”… etc, etc.). Well, I guess all comes in life. Now I am at the point in which I’ve grown up enough internally to understand that I need it.

It’s all so new, and there is so much, that it is not only exciting–it is a bit overwhelming at times. It is as if someone had just bumped me into a World I didn’t know it existed. So many possibilities suddenly flow, I am like a little kid in the candy store, not sure of what to grab next… since I would love to grab it all.

But I know enough by now that I need to take my time and enjoy every step of the road. For now, the 6-day Mysore practice has been both blissful and a blessing. Today, when I’m taking a needed break, I already miss it and look forward to waking up early tomorrow to frustrate myself a little bit in that turned triangle pose that seems so simple and I cannot handle. Little by little, I’ll be able to bend one more inch, to balance myself better, to develop the needed strength and flexibility. And as I walk that path, I know my world will be opening further, leading me to unsuspected and exciting places.

And I cannot wait. Life is beautiful :)

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