Day 140-Breathing

May 30, 2009 at 3:02 pm (Bumping into YOGA)

I made the point of sleeping as much as possible over the past couple of days, to see if this could get me back into normality–I remember days in which waking up at any needed time, sleeping just 4-5 hours for many days in a row didn’t seem a challenge at all. But since now the lack of sleep (or sleeping poorly) seem to be getting to me much more heavily, I decided to give myself a break and take that excuse from the table.

Today I woke up much fresher and headed to the shala early; I like doing this on Saturdays because the place is pretty empty compared to the rest of the week. I can hear my own breath, and focus on it, which I did today. And I have to say that because of it, I have the best Sun Salutations ever–I was very happy to be able to breathe deeper but also smooth my breathing along the vinyasas much better than before. Yay. And of course the consequence was that I was able to stay focused for longer. I lost this a little as I started the standing poses, but overall I think I managed to do a pretty good job with the breathing today (not that the breathing is good, but I felt it improved) :)

Other than that, balance was so-so (not so bad as on Wednesday) which was good. I ended up coming out feeling much better and happy :)

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To practice

May 27, 2009 at 12:26 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Step away and TRAVEL, The steps of LIFE)

Practice, and all is coming. And I guess I’m not practicing. Not enough, that is. I officially started practicing Ashtanga (and Yoga, for that matter) at the beginning of June 2008. That gave me nearly 365 days to practice until today… days of which I have only used 139, counting this morning. Not even half of the days I had available. Sigh. Statistics don’t lie. Even if I want to fool myself, there is blatant proof of my inconsistency in the last year.

So today I went to the shala, not having practiced since last Wednesday. I felt stiff and heavy, and my balance was the worst ever… I could not do my normal standing poses feeling comfortable. I looked at myself in the mirror behind me and I blamed myself for not practicing, for not dancing, for not exercising more generally, for being a couch potato lately, and for eating too much. No movement or asana  felt right, and I soon was very discouraged and disappointed at myself.

A came to say good bye when he saw me rolling my mat and I confessed how bad I feel about my balance having evaporated completely today. He reminded me it is all about consistency. True.

The irony is that, all and all, I can still see that “some is coming”. Despite my lack of discipline with the practice, that I have improved–a lot, in fact. I can also see that I always feel better after practice–physically and mentally (see my last post). I wonder how it’d be if I really pushed myself to a different level of commitment and seriously did this *six* days a week, rather than my whatever number of days a week (regardless of valid excuses).

Reading Alfia’s post of Memorial day, I feel motivated. Maybe there is hope and maybe I have to make a bet with myself as well. I admit I’m scared. I’m traveling again soon– in mid June (10 days, work), in early to mid August (another 10 days, vacation) and perhaps in early July and late August (work, work). Can I keep it up, can I practice every day, no matter where in the globe am I and how tired I am?

Well, I better. I just know that I don’t feel well with my mediocre practice, even if I’ve been finding ways to justify it, and even if it is human to take breaks. Because, at the stats show crudely, this has become a regular thing for me–this thing of missing practice here and there, most of the times. It is not about real exceptions anymore.

So here I go–six days a week, as I did at the very beginning… To keep things in check, I will replicate my WoYoPracMo journal in here for a while, to record daily practices, along with some reflections.

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So-so practice

May 21, 2009 at 12:31 pm (Bumping into YOGA)

I am actually being generous by calling it so-so. I am a bit disappointed–I was hoping that with the soreness gone, I’d be energetic and flowy, and instead I was stiff, heavy and muddling through. My feet were cramping on me big time (lately I’ve been having lots of weird feet pain, which has also made me cut down quite significantly on the dancing) I was unbalanced, fiddling with my clothes, taking huge breaks in between every move, my mind everywhere… slow. Yesterday I was able to fit full-vinyasa and all my finishing poses into 1 hour; today, I barely made it by doing only half-vinyasa and cutting off the shoulderstand (I was also a little wary about my stiff neck). Anyway… I feel well now (I always feel weel afterwards) and I’m hoping tomorrow it will be better…

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The Way Things Are

May 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm (Bumping into YOGA, The steps of LIFE)

My Mysore practice last Sunday–really energetic–had a price. I don’t remember having been so sore after exercise in a long time. Not sure why–perhaps I was so stressed and tensed up in the past two yoga-less weeks that my muscles were in worse shape than other times returning to practice. Who knows. The thing is that on Monday I could only walk painfully; my legs, my torso, my hips… pretty much everything felt the effects of the effort exerted on the previous day.

So, I went into epson-salt baths and took Tuesday off as well, trying to do some light stretches and sleep. I was back to the shala today–feeling super stiff and unable to bend in any direction; my Sun Salutations were particularly pathetic. That said, I was glad to see the stiffness giving in, and by the end I was feeling better, with my muscles stretched out and much less sore than at the beginning.

When I was leaving, A stood next to me as I rolled my mat and we spoke for a minute or two. He acknowledged my being back in the shala, and I smiled, noting that life seemed to be “regularizing” for the time being… which meant I was hoping to come more often; the cost of my on-and-off behaviour being, of course, my stiffness. He mentioned that I missed practice, but I always “came back”. I smiled and responded: “well, you see, in my mind, it’s not that I quit; I just can’t come [to practice]“.

After that, I kept thinking of my response, realizing how true this is for me. The thing is, my life is busy and haphazard. I very often have uncertainties as to when I travel, and when I do, it tends to be for at least a couple of weeks in a row. Practicing when I’m away can be hard as well–depending on how hectic the trip gets, sometimes it becomes impossible. I have also had busy periods at work without traveling–stretches of time in which I work until really late and which make it particularly hard to wake at 5m to practice. That’s just the way things are.

But things are also like this: during those times, one thing that holds me together is the knowledge that my Yoga practice is waiting for me. It may not be the most polished, it may not be the strongest, it may actually make me look like I’m really behind relative to others… and yet, it is important. It’s there, centering me, just because it exists, and because I know that at some point or another (often sooner rather than later) I will be practicing in the shala again, and feeling the balance that this brings to all points of my life.

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In the Memory of Guruji

May 19, 2009 at 1:30 am (Bumping into YOGA)

 

Sri Krishna Pattabhi Jois

Sri Krishna Pattabhi Jois

July 26, 1915 – May 18, 2009 

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