Nairam’s Roads

After another black out in my practice during most of the week, I finally made it to the shala yesterday and today. It was the most wonderful experience ever, especially after how bad the past few days had been.

I was pretty stressed for work (stuff to do and potentially big changes soon, plus I had to do three pretty tough internal job interviews at a one-day’s notice); having to help my Mom with some difficult and serious stuff regarding my Dad’s passing; coordinate the ongoing renovations at my old condo, which have been much more complicated than initially expected (renovations in old buildings often open cans of worms, what can I say), and juggle the fact that the boyfriend was around until Thursday (nice, but forces me out of my own usual schedule). I didn’t sleep well the whole week, awakening myself at night wondering if I was going to have to spend more money on the house; whether I should get/take this or that position, and what that would entail; how on earth I’d get all the needed documents on time to help my Mom with my Dad’s issue, etc, etc, etc. On Friday, my back and neck and head just hurt terribly from the stress–so bad that I called a massage therapist that has helped me in the past for a very urgent session on Friday evening to try to ease the pain.

It all helped, but on Saturday morning I woke up feeling completely drained and low of spirits. I had to make a supreme effort to get out of bed, dressed and off to the shala (which I manage to do a little late, in fact). The amazing thing is, as soon as I got on the mat, all my troubles went away, and I felt extremely peaceful. I had to cut the practice short and skip most of my sitting positions, since the Mysore session was about to end, and the students for the led class were already at the lobby waiting to come in. I even skipped shoulderstand given the stress I had on my back and shoulders the previous day. I moved slowly through the finishing positions, and by the time I reached savasana, something amazing happened. I started praying unintendedly, as if the thoughts and words just came out of me but without me trying at all (praying is something I really don’t do often, to be frank). I just realized how lucky I have been in life, how lucky I still am, and how petty my concerns really are in the big scheme of things. I suddenly felt very grateful for being able to be there, just lying on the floor on my mat on such a peaceful and loving shala. It was kind of odd (and it surprised me), but beautiful.

Anyway, today I went back and practice just felt amazing. I love Sundays because it’s crowded–there is a lot of energy. I sweated like crazy and went as deep as I could into every pose and just enjoyed it. It’s funny how I’ve stopped worrying about getting new poses or progressing on ‘visible ways’. Now progress is about feeling that peace inside. I got it.