Getting Back on Track or Khali in my House

October 18, 2008 at 8:17 pm (Bumping into YOGA, The steps of LIFE)
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Again, the weekend is here, and this time I vowed *NOT* to work and just take it easy. There are some little errands I need to do–cleaning, grocery shopping–but for the most part I’m just focused on enjoying myself :)

I started with choosing to be a bit anti-social yesterday night and stay in instead. I had a party and had planned to go dancing afterwards, but when I came home after the office and an appointment with my chiropractor I just couldn’t move from my couch. Watched a little TV, had (a not too bad) dinner and went to bed as soon as I could. I think it was a wise decision.

Nine hours of sleep after, I woke up to go to Mysore practice. I was kind of excited because with the rest my energy and love for Yoga suddenly came back. Today was my Day #80 of Practice since I started, and while I know the number in itself does not mean much, I was resolved to make it a good one ;) It was. I was stiff, of course, after the whole week of woes, and I was not as strong, buoyant and exhilarated as I’ve sometimes been, but I was quite happy by the end, and not really caring about where I was, poses or comparing my progress with anyone else’s. By now I’ve noticed that these thoughts only come to my mind when I’m already exhausted from everything else and it’s easier to worry and forget the point of the practice. I guess we all have those days.

Luckily today was not one of them :) And afterwards I had a nice brunch with a friend who I had not been able to meet for a while due to my really loaded work schedule of the past few weeks, and then I went to an Indian store to get a present for my brother: a dancing Shiva. He practices Iyengar, does a lot of meditation and energy-flow therapy, and had asked me if I could get him one here in the U.S. It was a bit of a hassle to get him one of the right size (big, but that I can reasonably carry in my suitcase when I fly home), and it seems I finally found a nice one. I decided to get two smaller figures for myself: a Baby Ganesh (very cute) and a figure of Khali with Shiva at her feet.

The idea is getting these figures into my house to set up a little meditation corner in my bedroom :) I find Khali’s figure inspiring (as you may have noticed from my avatar in this blog) because of her representation of Strong Transformation Energy. I’ve always been fascinating by the sense of non-permanence that everything has in life, by the fact that everything changes every tiniest fraction of time, sometimes profoundly. And the idea of pushing for the change with strength and bravery is even more appealing ;)

And now, just hoping to have a nice rest of the weekend. For tomorrow, I think I will do a long practice, like I started last Sunday–doubling the breath-count per asana. Last time, that felt amazing :) I think this is a good way to be constructive about the fact that my practice in terms of the number of asanas is not too long yet; I may as well take advantage of it! ;P

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Dispirited

October 16, 2008 at 12:44 pm (Bumping into YOGA)
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It’s been so crazy at work (everyone is overloaded, doing insane overtime and cranky) that I’m just exhausted. We are changing gears to travel much sooner than expected (meaning in about 10 days, rather than early December), and we are all spinning our wheels.

Anyway. It was good to have the Moon Day, and I have to say that yesterday was the first morning in which I really thought I didn’t want to practice. Normally, if I’m too tired, I feel like I want to practice, but I just cannot move out of bed. Anyway, I decided that probably it was reasonable to extend the break–I supposed that it was just the overall crankiness at the office that was getting back to me and made me feel like there was yet another thing in my To Do list that I had to do, no matter how burned out I was. 

Today it was just a tiny bit easier to wake up, and did. But I felt awful during practice… as if my mind were not alert, and just wanted me to go back home and sleep. I was stiff, and pretty much I felt as I were muddling through (I hate when that happens). I did try to imprint some energy into it, but I couldn’t keep it going. I even forgot to complete a couple of asanas–some of my favorite, in fact, which makes the oversight even weirder: Utthita Parsvakonasana and Parivritta Parsvakonasana. I realized almost by the end of practice, when it was too late to go back and redo the whole thing, and I couldn’t believe it (I usually love doing those). 

By the end of the whole thing I was actually feeling really (but really) down. I was giving myself a guilt trip, and then again wondering if it can be really true that I’m worse than everyone else (after all, pretty much everyone who started after me has been moved forward on the Primary Series faster than me, as far as I can tell). I actually don’t think I’m worse, but who knows, maybe I’m just in self denial, and I truly horrible at Yoga?

Anyway, of course I guess I’m just very tired and with so many things to worry about that it’s just perfect ground for a pity-party. The good part is that there is light at the end of the tunnel: if things at work continue to be nuts like they are right now, we will be done with this project by end-November and afterwards there will be some peaceful times. It won’t last forever…

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Oh, bright world

October 11, 2008 at 2:54 pm (Bumping into YOGA, WORKing steps...)
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Sometimes I’m amazed at how much difference it makes for my state of being to actually sleep. And then, again, I probably shouldn’t be so surprised.

Yesterday I stayed in the office until after 10 pm, but then I came home, relaxed and went to bed feeling really great. This morning I couldn’t wait to go to the shala- I got there earlier than the official “opening” time; the instructor in charge of todays’ Mysore session was still practicing herself and there were just a couple of other people starting their practice. For some reason I really loved the quiet empty place, the shiny floor, the relative silence. I guess I was just very eager to get back into it.

As it was to be expected after 3 days without Yoga and sitting in my office chair for long hours, stressing out and eating chocolate bars as if it were Mana falling from Heaven, I was very stiff to start. The irony is that I really enjoyed breaking into the stiffness and finding myself gradually bending more and more as I progressed. I did catch myself breathing a bit too rapidly more than a few times, but overall I was really happy by the end ;)

I still have to go to the office during the long weekend–otherwise the research paper I’m writing won’t be finished, since during the work week I constantly get interrupted with little requests relating to the financial crisis. But it’s OK. I’m inspired about this paper now, and that’s key. I’m actually looking forward running more programs on econometric software during the day ;P And then, in the evening, I’ll take a little break to attend a birthday party and maybe dance a bit afterwards…

And then, back to Yoga tomorrow. That’s the best part :)

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Obviously, I need a break

October 7, 2008 at 11:35 pm (The steps of LIFE)
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Phew. Another day of rushing around. I’ve been quite productive at the office, really on the go. And I felt beautiful at practice today (though as I mentioned before yesterday I just couldn’t possibly move to make it there). But there are obviously more signs that I am *really* tired. Get this:

Exhibit 1. I just got a couple of pant suits the other day that I really need for work. The legs are a bit long, so yesterday morning I took to the task of shortening the hems. I did the first one and seemed ok. Then, I folded the second… and saw it backwards!!! Yes, with the internal side of the clothing folded out! Needless to say, I had to wear something else to the office.

Exhibit 2. I rush from the office to my weekly appointment with my chiropractor. I get there and the door is closed. I wonder if she cancelled to watch the debate. And then I come to the realization that today is Tuesday, not Wednesday… 

Needless to say, I’m taking a very easy evening tonight. Clearly I need some good rest…

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Just really busy…

October 7, 2008 at 12:04 pm (Bumping into YOGA)
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I haven’t posted much, not because I’m slacking off, but because work has been crazy busy. I have been practicing, though–nice Mysore sessions both on Saturday and Sunday, and then again today. D has been pushing us all hard, making sure we straighten our legs and break into the hamstrings :) That’s hard for me, but I appreciate the work; it’s been tough but very enjoyable.

Yesterday I had to miss practice because on Sunday night I worked in the office until near midnight and in the morning I was positively dead. But somehow I feel renewed and it seems as if the allergies that attacked me last week have disappeared. I still wonder if those were allergies or just general exhaustion, lack of sleep and dehydration after a tough week at work. Could be. But the important thing is that it’s all gone :)

Again, no new poses my way but for some strange reason I’m feeling quite content. I am working hard during practice to reach those new high standards of quality in every asana thanks to D’s pushing on this “straighten the leg” mantra, which has been surprisingly helpful to keep me focused. Pure santosha. ;)

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