…where I feel I am right now. Trying hard to get my head of the water and breathe. I think it will get better soon (cross fingers).
Day 143 – nice :)
June 4, 2009 at 12:00 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Step away and TRAVEL, The steps of LIFE)
Today I felt great–as if I were building up from yesterday’s experience. I was pretty fluid and fast, without the heaviness and broken movements that I’ve been feeling in the past few days of practice. My balance was much better, and I could feel that I’m have strengthened enough to go much lower in Chaturanga (before I couldn’t bend my arms enough). I also made a point out of trying to lift myself with my cross legs and try to push back; I’m sure I looked a little funny (specially since every time I did a major landing on my butt) but who cares, that’s the only way to learn. And the irony is, doing it and failing felt like progress. I must add that my shoulder stand it’s also getting pretty good 
Today was a good day to practice–things have been hectic and stressful at work, so I need it. I’m glad that I’m feeling good enough to practice on Friday and Saturday–Saturday night I’m traveling to Peru for work once more, and since the flight is overnight, I can already guess that I will be mostly tempted to rest on Sunday. I hope I will be able to practice for the 10-days or so I’m away (and with days full of meetings…); I must, since I”m feeling so good right now, I wouldn’t want to lose the momentum I seem to be gaining. Somehow I need to find some time to practice…
Day 142 – Trying to practice detachment…
June 3, 2009 at 12:10 pm (Uncategorized)
On Sunday, for some reason, practice felt OK, with little moments of frustration here and there as I tried to get a sense on how to jump forward and back, since at the moment I can’t (I just don’t seem to fit in between my arms with my hands on the floor). So A (who never ceases to amaze me with how perceptive he is) came to give me some pointers on how to gain strength in the arms to eventually be able to move my body for the jumps. And he added something that made an imprint–he advised not to focus too much on how the pose came out, but just to give it my best and move on; noting that this was the key element of detachment in the pratice.
So today I tried to apply this, meaning both trying to see if I can move my body for the jumps, supported by my arms, and also just to do my best and keep on going. In general, I felt better than the last couple of times–more flexible and a bit better balance, and also stronger on my chaturangas and other asanas requiring arm strength. I have to say that this practice (and the way it is taught and learned) frequently presents some interesting emotional challenges for me. Obviously there is so much I have to learn…
Day 140-Breathing
May 30, 2009 at 3:02 pm (Bumping into YOGA)
I made the point of sleeping as much as possible over the past couple of days, to see if this could get me back into normality–I remember days in which waking up at any needed time, sleeping just 4-5 hours for many days in a row didn’t seem a challenge at all. But since now the lack of sleep (or sleeping poorly) seem to be getting to me much more heavily, I decided to give myself a break and take that excuse from the table.
Today I woke up much fresher and headed to the shala early; I like doing this on Saturdays because the place is pretty empty compared to the rest of the week. I can hear my own breath, and focus on it, which I did today. And I have to say that because of it, I have the best Sun Salutations ever–I was very happy to be able to breathe deeper but also smooth my breathing along the vinyasas much better than before. Yay. And of course the consequence was that I was able to stay focused for longer. I lost this a little as I started the standing poses, but overall I think I managed to do a pretty good job with the breathing today (not that the breathing is good, but I felt it improved)
Other than that, balance was so-so (not so bad as on Wednesday) which was good. I ended up coming out feeling much better and happy
To practice
May 27, 2009 at 12:26 pm (Bumping into YOGA, Step away and TRAVEL, The steps of LIFE)
Practice, and all is coming. And I guess I’m not practicing. Not enough, that is. I officially started practicing Ashtanga (and Yoga, for that matter) at the beginning of June 2008. That gave me nearly 365 days to practice until today… days of which I have only used 139, counting this morning. Not even half of the days I had available. Sigh. Statistics don’t lie. Even if I want to fool myself, there is blatant proof of my inconsistency in the last year.
So today I went to the shala, not having practiced since last Wednesday. I felt stiff and heavy, and my balance was the worst ever… I could not do my normal standing poses feeling comfortable. I looked at myself in the mirror behind me and I blamed myself for not practicing, for not dancing, for not exercising more generally, for being a couch potato lately, and for eating too much. No movement or asana felt right, and I soon was very discouraged and disappointed at myself.
A came to say good bye when he saw me rolling my mat and I confessed how bad I feel about my balance having evaporated completely today. He reminded me it is all about consistency. True.
The irony is that, all and all, I can still see that “some is coming”. Despite my lack of discipline with the practice, that I have improved–a lot, in fact. I can also see that I always feel better after practice–physically and mentally (see my last post). I wonder how it’d be if I really pushed myself to a different level of commitment and seriously did this *six* days a week, rather than my whatever number of days a week (regardless of valid excuses).
Reading Alfia’s post of Memorial day, I feel motivated. Maybe there is hope and maybe I have to make a bet with myself as well. I admit I’m scared. I’m traveling again soon– in mid June (10 days, work), in early to mid August (another 10 days, vacation) and perhaps in early July and late August (work, work). Can I keep it up, can I practice every day, no matter where in the globe am I and how tired I am?
Well, I better. I just know that I don’t feel well with my mediocre practice, even if I’ve been finding ways to justify it, and even if it is human to take breaks. Because, at the stats show crudely, this has become a regular thing for me–this thing of missing practice here and there, most of the times. It is not about real exceptions anymore.
So here I go–six days a week, as I did at the very beginning… To keep things in check, I will replicate my WoYoPracMo journal in here for a while, to record daily practices, along with some reflections.
